So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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