tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
