we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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