I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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