You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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