Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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