He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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