I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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