Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
