remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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