We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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