I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
