genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
