awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
