I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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