Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
