Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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