Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if i died would you start the facebook group?
is wine microwaveable?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's always time for handjobs
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
