sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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