hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
jump out the window naked night went bad
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