What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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