I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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