Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What a dumb baby whore.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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