You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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