We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
