Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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