i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
