dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
