Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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