We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
