wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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