I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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