Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
