shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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