Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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