I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I just sharted jello shots
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