Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
