tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
