his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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