i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
