Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
