My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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