i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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