After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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