wakey wakey hands off snakey
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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