Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
