someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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