the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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