fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
