I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize