im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Randomize
