dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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