I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
ok first of all what the fuck
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
