I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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