Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize