"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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