no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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