Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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