i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
