Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
