proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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