Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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