I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize