If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
