Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
honey bunches of taint.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
