Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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